Changes

So, we have been matched with a birth mother. She is scheduled to have the baby on May 16th. In less than two weeks! We found out one week ago. Since that time, I have been living in disbelief, excitement, nervousness and a little bit of panic. ;-) There is much to be done. I had to go out and buy baby clothes, diapers, bottles, pacifiers, blankets, etc. My sister gave me her carseat and so I washed the lining on that. I have been doing my best to catch up on laundry and in the next week our home will be scoured clean. I have been so busy that the last time I ran was last Wednesday (the day we found out).

Yesterday, I ran in the canyon. I did a total of 6.8 miles, of which I ran 4.71. I am SORE and I was super sore yesterday too. Those hills just about did me in. I'm hobbling today. I think it is because it had been awhile since I last ran. I don't like feeling weak and sore. I need to get on a more regular schedule, and yet, the baby is coming. And unless his birth mother changes her mind, I will have a newborn in less than 2 weeks. He will be born the same week as my triathlon. I am going to defer my spot until next year. I know that I will be too tired to attempt that and certainly unwilling to leave my new baby home for a few hours to race. I'm most likely not going to do the State Capitol half marathon and GASP, I am seriously reconsidering my Ragnar race. I wanted to bring baby boy with me on Ragnar, but my husband is refusing. I can see his take on that--he has some valid concerns. And yet, I don't know if I can leave my 1 month old son at home for 2 days. I know he would be with his daddy, BUT ... ack! I have decided to wait and make a final decision for when he is born, if his mother goes through with adoption, and whether or not he is an easy baby.

I knew having a baby would change some things. I just didn't realize, until we were presented with an actual situation, how it would entirely change my view. I do not want ANY regrets with this new baby. He will be our last and I want to enjoy every single minute. There will be more races in the future, but he will only be a baby for a time.

Anyway, so much to think about.